The early days. Unable to do anything and being bedridden, these poems try to make sense of the pain and what has happened.

I hope that today will be the day when everything works.
So I no longer have to sit and shirk.
Or so it seems to everyone else.
Who see the outside shell.
Which seems to function.
While the inner workings struggle to perform the simplest tasks.
Little do they realise.
I continue to win the prize.
Hiding what I am going through.

The pain and frustration remains the same.
Whether pace, rest or race.
The desire to keep going.
Keeps me sane and on a good day frees me from the pain.

The pain is still there.
It seems so unfair as I struggle to the door my heart is
on the floor.
It would be great one day if it all went away,
but that seems a dream too far.
Iíve learned not to reach for that particular star.
Instead I take each day as it comes supported
by my cherished love ones.
I want to be left alone.
I no longer wish to moan.
The ever present pain.
Continues to remain.
I feel trapped in a shell thatís a living hell.
From one moment to the next I am constantly perplexed.
Why has this happened to me?
My God I so want to be free.

I am sitting in the car park.
Waiting for a spark.
A flash of inspiration.
To rid me of my consternation
The ever present sense of fear.
My life will come crashing around my ear.

The little orange pill.
That rids me of some ill.
Thatís ever present in my life.
That contaminates me, the boys and the wife.
I always thought I was indestructible.
Able to do anything at will.
Today I sit and frequently stare at life passing me by.
Itís so unfair.
When |I have given so much to all around.
I wonder why they can no longer be found.
To laugh and joke.
After all I am still the same bloke!

Here I am in pain again.
No matter how I try
I cannot get my life together.
My fear is I will be like this forever.

Specialists tell me I am doing well.
But they seldom listen when I tell.
The pain and the tiredness are at times too much.
Is seldom helped by my trusty crutch.

My greatest support is my wife and kids.
They are waiting for the day when I get rid
Of this life challenging illness that has devastated me.
If anyoneís interested its called Chronic Fatigue / ME.